CONFLICT
MANAGEMENT
Conflicts are part
of life and they arise on a daily basis which sometimes can lead to violence
among teenagers.
Common
situations where conflict arises in teenagers are:
- Gossip:
Spreading rumors, gossiping
about others with friends is one of the main causes, which leads to conflict
among teenagers. Gossip leads to miscommunication, as teens talk about
something about which they have incomplete knowledge or sometimes it is not
true at all.
For example, you don’t like
a girl in your class, as a peer group, you start spreading rumors about her.
This can lead to an argument between the two.
People gossip to have fun or
to put the other person down in front of others. Spreading information about
anyone which you know is not true can harm the self-esteem of the person about
whom you are gossiping. When it hurts someone's ego or self-esteem, conflict
arises between the two parties.
- Fight:
Getting violent or showing
aggression when you are irritated or do not like the other person’s point of
view is another cause of conflict. Especially in teen boys, violent behaviour
is shown more.
For example, a small boy
spill water on you by mistake, the first reaction is slapping or punching him
without understanding the situation. This immediate reaction leads to conflict
which can harm the person physically.
This type of aggressive
behaviour can lead to major problems in the future like these children cannot
mix well with society or get involved in criminal activities. Children with
aggressive attitudes become emotionally unstable and lack social skills.
- Parent-child
conflict:
Disagreements, arguments are
very common among parents and teenagers. Parents say that ‘my child does not
listen to me. Children respond that ‘our parents do not understand us’.
As teenagers love their
independence and do not want their parents to question their actions and at the
same time parents want to be caring and guide them and also control their
activities, this leads to conflict between the two.
Common causes of day-to-day
parent-child conflict are:
- Always on
phone:
If teenagers are not with
friends, they are with their mobile phones. Chatting on social media, scrolling
on social media, posting on social media, listening to songs, or talking to
friends on call. Nowadays, teenagers cannot live without their phones. Even
while eating, they want their phones. When parents try to talk about it, they
do not want to listen. This leads to arguments.
- Noise:
Playing loud music at
parties or home, watching television with full voice, or playing an electric
guitar or drums. Noise is a common reason why parents and children argue.
Parents want to sleep and children want to have noisy parties.
- Clothing:
Teenagers want their fashion
trends to be up to date. They do not care if it is appropriate or looking
decent enough. Parents most of the time do not agree with what their child is
wearing. This gap in the thinking process between the two leads to conflict.
- Dating life:
Most of the time parents do
not approve of your boyfriend/girlfriend. They have their justified reasons but
children on the other hand have their reasons for dating which is also
justified sometimes. Parents feel that the child is too young to get involved
in all this. This clash between the two leads to disagreements.
- Alcohol/smoking/drugs:
Substance abuse because of
peer pressure or because of any anxiety or stress. Parents when finding out
that their child is caught in substance abuse, it is not easy to solve the
problem. In the same way, when children find out their parents are over
drinking or smoking, they also do not like it.
- Cyberbullying:
Hacking accounts of other
children, passing abusive comments, or posting wrong information on social
media. Such cases are increasing every day. Teenagers are exposed to social
media but they do not realize the threats. It is very easy to spread wrong
information on social media due to which people fight which leads to anxiety,
stress, and depression.
Ways to resolve conflict:
- Manage
emotions:
Emotional awareness is a key
to understanding the emotions of yourself and others. It is important for
teenagers to understand whether they are feeling sad, happy or angry, or
frustrated. Once they learn to differentiate their emotions, they learn to manage
them. teenagers should be taught how to express themselves without hurting the
other person's sentiments. How to manage your anger is particularly important
for teenagers, especially boys. It is important to teach that having control
over one’s emotions and expressing it in a healthy way is a way to resolve
conflict which will not harm anyone.
- Fight fair:
A conflict can be resolved
in a positive way or a negative way. The positive way is when-
v You stay calm
v You understand and respect other person’s
point of view
v Do not generalize the fight by using phrases
like ‘you always do like this.
v Do not exaggerate the situation.
v You do not attack another person by hitting,
yelling, or accusing.
v You do not bring past issues into the present
argument.
- Be a good
listener:
it is important to be a good
listener in a fight so that you understand other persons' perspectives as well.
It helps to resolve conflict when you listen to what the other person is
feeling and understand the reasons behind the actions. Just coming to a
conclusion by having a piece of wrong or incomplete information will just make
things worse in a conflict. So, communication is a key to resolving the
conflict.
- Beware of
non-communication cues:
Eye contact, body gestures,
hand movements represents how much you are interested in listening to another
person or even while giving your own viewpoint. Your tone should not raise
while having a conversation as it shows arrogance which can heat up the
argument even more. By having a calm voice tone or concerned facial expression,
you can resolve the conflict.
- Pick your
battles:
Reasons for conflict among
teenagers are sometimes not very big. Because of differences in opinion or not
listening to other person or incomplete or wrong information, conflict arises.
It is important to think whether the issue is even worth that we waste our
energy on it. because conflicts require a lot of energy and cause mental
stress. So it is important to first think and choose if the situation is that
bad that they are fighting for.
- Prioritize
relationship over winning:
For many teenagers, it is
important to ‘win’ the fight. This only creates more misunderstanding and
increases conflict and ruins the relationship with the other person. The first
thing teenagers should think about while resolving a conflict is that they have
to save their relationship. Then they will understand others' points of view
and negotiate things in a healthy manner. The approach should be that the two
people are standing against the problem and not that ‘I am against you.
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